What person would I be now if I hadn't grown up with a narcissist mum and an abusive stepdad?
Would I be happier and more content?
Less anxious?
More confident and outgoing?
Hate myself less?
Be less of a people pleaser?
I grew up being despised, made to feel unwanted and unloved. I was basically trained up as a slave, whose only reason for existence was to serve and be useful.
By the age of 14 when my Mum left my stepdad, I could do everything, washing, ironing, mowing the lawn etc... I was a live-in cleaner and babysitter.
My mum said "That this wasn't my home, I was a unpaid lodger who had to earn her keep". So to stay there I kept a smooth running ship. In the school holidays I set myself a cleaning routine, so that I could get everything done and still have down time.
Mum would sometimes leave my special jobs like tidying the shed, or cleaning out the chip pan. I thought all this was normal and i was helping out my Mum whilst she worked. Now having my own kids I realise this isn't what I want for them.
My oldest is doing her A levels and is spending all her time studying, she hasn't got to factor in house work and child care. My kids have a relaxed, carefree childhood which makes me so happy and proud!
When I left home at the age of 19, I suddenly wasn't useful anymore, I was living my own life and that obviously didn't make my mum happy. I'd now passed the baton on to my sister, so she was now expected to do all the chores, just as I had done. Obviously my sister's personality is very much like my mums and she failed, which resulted in her being told to leave. I remember saying to my sister that she had to keep mum happy.
My mum, being a narcissist, thinks that the way she treated me was fine, and has a lot of self serving excuses which my brainwashed sister has passed on... such as my Dad didn't pay child benefits. When I push back on the bullshit excuses I get " poor you" blah blah...
I thought about all this as I was doing the housework today before I go to work LOL! Housework is still very much a part of my life being a mum of 3.
My takeaway from this is that a family pulling together, helping each other is a positive thing, kids helping out is great, but when a parent makes it perfectly obvious that your home is not safe unless you're being useful is abuse.
A child trying their best to please a parent and then being told that they regret you being born is crushing.
Now 20 plus years later, we are not a family any more, I am a problematic truth telling person and a worthless nothing to my Mum, who in her own mind thinks I deserves it all because she was a working single mum.
Comments